Saturday, September 11, 2010

Klondike bar

It seems that in recent months, whatever company that owns Klondike Bars has been launching an advertising campaign for the frozen food for about the thousandth time in my life. This time, however, I really have been thinking quite heavily about what I would and would NOT do for a Klondike Bar. Here is a synopsis of each list:

What I Would Do For A Klondike Bar:
-Pay the dollar that it's worth
-Do a somersault
-High five an elderly woman (actually, I'd do that for free too)
-Wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off in the morning
-Skip church
-Call my mom a jerk
-Jaywalk (without police present)
-Smell a questionable-looking sock

What I Would NOT Do For A Klondike Bar:
-Pay more than a dollar for one
-Jump off of a building higher than 3 feet tall
-Pet a grizzly bear
-Let a car run over my foot
-Put a piece of duct tape on my face and let someone peel it off (especially if they pulled it really slowly)
-Watch Chocolat
-Babysit longer than five minutes (at that point, my legal tender payment of choice becomes Trident Layers)
-Kill someone
-Kill a spider
-Kill two spiders
-Jaywalk (with police present)
-Tap dance naked (I prefer to do that alone)
-Eat PlayDough
-Lick cement
-Let a bird poop on me
-Fight a whole class of kindergartners that are on PCP
-Eat a piece of paper
-Donate blood
-Let a centipede crawl on any part of me
-Promise to name my first born son "Rupert"
-Get a tattoo of Donald Duck wearing a cowboy hat and taming a lion
-Fight Hulk Hogan longer than one second
-Become a Jehovah's Witness
-Grab a barbed wire fence with my eyes closed

This list is incomplete. I will add to it later.


  1. kindergarten children on pcp. that is an awesome mental image

  2. I would pet a grizzly bear. =P

  3. Yeah, I wouldn't do most of those things when you can just go buy one for a buck.